Why do we fall in love so fast, and fall out of love even faster?

I have a theory on the contemporary take on “love” and why this word, which was once considered so pure, is now slowly being flushed to the sewage. I’m not just talking about love for a person but also about our love for things like our work and even our possessions. We fall out of love too soon now – and we don’t understand why. I’m no saint, but I have a theory. It’s to do with the tech that we so proudly waive in front of our friends to portray status. I also have a solution (or else I’d be wasting your time writing about all this) which is also a theory.

A few days ago I met a good friend after a long time. A superb businessman with wisdom pouring out of every inch of his body. This man can dazzle you with his guitar playing just as much as he can with his words.

He said something relatively funny but real “Arfath, people are in a state of insanity since the day they invented the smart phone”

I nodded in acceptance without thinking twice. Most of us agree to this…right?

He continued “When we wake up, we check our phones. Moments before we sleep, we check our phones. We take the phone to the toilet (as if what’s going to come out might want to say goodbye to the phone). Even when people have sex now, they check their phones! We have gone insane. We don’t enjoy things as we should. We’ve bargained our happiness in return for a petty status-symbol/device that helps us ‘connect’”

This got me thinking. It’s so true, and I don’t want to be a part of this mess.

So, before I get to the topic let’s think about this – what is this insanity?

The biggest sickness that the internet and social media has spread is ‘constant-distraction’. It has got us used to being stimulated by random video clips, memes, status updates, and tweets. Bursts of excitement, laughter or awe within a gap of few seconds  is our preferred mode of passing time. “Emotional-junk-food” that’s what I call it. Just like real junk-food it’s very easy to consume, triggers an instant emotional response, but ultimately deters our psychological health. We’re now addicted to snacking on these excessively futile content, which has led us to believe that our emotions need to be stimulated at such a frequent rate if we are to stay ‘alive’. We have turned into slaves. And we have gone insane. If social-media is a drug dealer, you and I are the junkies.

We’ve repeated this behavior so many times that it has become a habit engraved in our being. The time we allocate to this practice of ‘distracting ourselves’ is far more than the time we have put to appreciate and concentrate on the things that truly matter. There’s no wonder that we can’t sustain ‘love’ for an extended period of time. We’ve lost practice. It’s just like forgetting how to swim, sing or solve algebra when you don’t put effort to practice it. Wheres the time for all that when we are too busy using the bathroom while checking our news-feed or snapchat?

This disease is affecting three of the most critical skills that we need to live to the fullest –

  1. Decision making

Most people now base their decisions on emotional reactions rather than basing them on their values, experience and knowledge. If a something or someone sparks a good feeling in 7 seconds, “yay!”. If they spark nothing, “nay!”. Today people have to get trained on how to make a good impression in 7 seconds.

  1. Mastery of skill

Most people can’t commit to one thing anymore. They want to do too many things at the same time. When the excitement of one thing runs out, they jump to the other – ending up with a shallow amount of experience and expertise. If you take history, the people who succeeded are always the ones who chose one path and stuck to it until they mastered it, be it a business, relationship or a skill. (Google’s core values say – “its best to do one thing really, really well”. Anyone who has used the internet for 1 hour wont have to second guess the one thing Google does well.)

  1. Patience

Most people need to slow down. Take a breath and relax. Just like growing a plant from a seed, life takes its time to take root and sprout leaves and branches. Its only through patience that we can achieve what we want. But this whole system is shoving this concept down the drain.

With the gradual sidelining of activities  like having meals as a family, prayer, meditation, and even gardening, which used to naturally reinforce these three skills in people,  happiness is drifting further from our reach as each generation takes over.

According to my country’s statistics 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. That means if you and your brother get married, it’s highly likely that one of you would end up getting divorced. Belgium has a divorce rate of more than 70%. Because the odds are so bad – being single in Belgium is better than spending money on your divorce lawyers (who apparently own swimming pools full of bling and dollar bills).

The stats are similar when you take people’s interest in their jobs. People want to change their jobs more frequently than ever. People want a new phone every 2 years (every year if they can afford it). A new car every 5 years, a new house every 10 years and the list goes on. We fall out of love, of the things that we should be content with.

The solution? We’ve got to learn how to concentrate/focus again and reject the constant snacking of emotion.

How to concentrate is a topic I’ll write about on another article (because I still am in the process of learning about it myself). But I’ll leave you with an amazing Ted-talk I came across on this subject –

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4O2JK_94g3Y

Let me know if you agree with this theory. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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2 thoughts on “Why do we fall in love so fast, and fall out of love even faster?

  1. Absolutely agree. I try to leave my phone away while I work and people actually demand me to be constantly connected. It’s suffocating. I’m dreaming of a time where I can shut all these distractions, draw, sew, cook and spend evenings sipping wine with my love and watching the stars. These simple activities now have become a dream. So sad, isn’t it. Maybe this year I will take a break from all this for a few weeks. Thank you for the thoughts. Loved reading it.

    Liked by 1 person

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